Money Matters

I’ve managed to get pretty much nothing done today. My mind has just fluttered off and gone. After a month-long academic build-up, I wrote my last final exam of the summer a week ago. I thought I was done, ahh, I could sit and sip and relaxxxxxx. Only to be hit with another exam first thing this week – this time for a job. So of course, I dug deep, told myself of course I could handle just one more thing, and off I went on another 24 hour marathon of study-research-writing. They thought they were doing us a favour by offering a take-home – hah! And wouldn’t you know it, wam-bam, an interview is scheduled for 48 hours after the deadline.

So, I’m fried. I thought I was done last week, now I’m overdone, charred, croustillĂ©.

I’m walking with a limp and a kink and a twitch and a yawn. And no brain.

And I still have an interview to prep for, dress for, get through… Given free reign to talk about myself for half an hour while the panel scribbles furiously, I’m as likely to babble about the subtle differences in French vs. Australian Shiraz (the last questionably intelligent conversation I can fuzzily remember) than about any actual competencies.

On top of which, last night Dearest and I discovered cracked bricks on the back of the house – signs of water damage leading to foundation damage. So we spent the evening dreaming of housing options and surfing, looking for whether what we want exists in our price range. Of course it doesn’t.

And, two nights ago, Dearest let slip that he thinks he’s about ready for another child, and that we might start trying sooner rather than later.

On the one hand, Husband Dearest asks what good is all our hard work to settle ourselves in our careers, including all the education and associated pain, if we don’t use it to build the kind of life we’ve always dreamed of?

On the other hand, what good is having great careers and great education if we build a life we can’t afford and are too stressed out to appreciate?

So, I find myself thinking about what matters in life. What is the life I’ve always dreamed of? What do I want?

I want to live a life too full for regrets.
I want to leave the world a better place than when I arrived in it.
I want to give more than I get.
I want to be comfortable in my own skin and soul.
I want to walk the walk and shut up.
I want to use money as a tool, not a status symbol.
I want to worry that my child has too many choices, not too few.
I want to find beauty, create beauty and share beauty.
I want to be overwhelmed by love.
I want to play with my great-grandchildren.
I want to bring peace, spread peace, be at peace – and not need peaceful surroundings in order to do so.
I want to make an impression, not a statement.
I want to wear pride quietly and laugh loudly.

Nowhere in that list lies a fancy house. Another kid? Maybe. A healthy mind and body? Definitely. And many, MANY, glasses of wine.

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