Wisdom From The Waves

I have been silent.

I have been full of words, but no sentences. Full of thoughts, but no coherence. Full of feelings, but no definitions.

We’ve been away on vacation – to the beach, the sun, the ocean in all her glory. To what I thought would be heaven.

Not so much.

The last time Dearest and I had been to that particular stretch of paradise, he’d proposed. Bonhomme had been nothing but an inkling. We’d walked along the surf for (not quite) miles, looking out over the glorious emptiness of sea and sky. Slept in. Ate out. Browsed. Meandered. Dawdled.

This time, we were beset by throw-up in the car, pee on the sheets, an endless expanse of sand not easily crossed by a one-and-a-half-legged man, and once crossed, a sun too hot and an ocean too cold for a three-and-a-half-foot boy.

This one little part of the world had not changed a bit. Every other blessed thing had.

I’d never felt so defeated.

Then again, I’ve never been so completely worn.

Careworn.

But, this is life. This is what it is. It is the waves rolling, sweeping, crashing in. Again. And again. It is the sand eroding away from under your feet. And your feet settling once more. It is the weather-beaten, barnacled post witnessing the tide with its skin.

I’ve come to realize just how worn away I’ve gotten, and how long a road I have back to who I thought I used to be.

But there is beauty in the raw, scraped, coarsely-polished shell too. Maybe I don’t need to struggle so much on the road back. Maybe I just need to admire my new-old shell, sanded by my own grit – and chart a new road instead. One that accomodates these ridges and edges a bit better. One that flows.

I have been silent, yes. I’ve been listening to the ocean speak.

Advertisements

1 comment so far

  1. Lynn on

    Missed you!
    The other day I was watching Modern Family and there is a mom on that show with three kids. They took a trip to Hawaii and the dad said, “Yay, a vacation!” and the mom replied, “I’m a mom travelling with three kids. This is a business trip.”

    SO TRUE.

    Happy days at the beach will return some day…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: