Speaking Power to Truth

I’ve been sitting on this news for a while, because I was a) quite overwhelmed and humbled by it, and b) didn’t know what the heck to say. The news is that I won an award. A bloggy award. An I-think-your-writing’s-cool award. It’s called the Honest Scrap Award, and you get it when someone nominates you based on their assessment of the quality and honesty of your blog.

Honest Scrap Award

The Honest Scrap Award: Awarded by a blogger who thinks your blog displays your heart, and is brilliant in design or content

Wow.

It’s also an award with a catch. I don’t get to just bask (well I could, but then I wouldn’t be quite so cool, would I?). I am supposed to list ten honest things about myself (and make them interesting, no less), and then pay it forward by nominating seven other worthy blogs.

So, I have two problems with these rules. Firstly – I honestly don’t know seven other worthy blogs. Not because there isn’t an untold wealth of brilliant blogs out there, but because I very shamefully don’t have the time to read them. Yes, I am a bad blogosphere being. I am an unsocial participant of social media. On the other hand, all you bloggy junkies who read and don’t write – well, I’ve got karmic blogging credits to trade, since I write and don’t read. Not that I don’t know how much I’m missing, and desperately wish I could. When I get to a point when I am able to nominate some blogs deserving of the Honest Scrap Award, I will. Until then, why don’t you? Suggest some to me that you think meet muster.

My second problem is that I can’t think of ten honest things about myself. I’ve been trying to for two months, ever since I got this award. It’s not that I’m trying to hide something nefarious, or that I’m naturally virtuous (hah!) – so I’ve been struggling and struggling with trying to think honest stuff up. And I think I’ve figured out what my problem is. This past weekend, I attended a fabulous bloggy conference, BlogHer ’10 in New York City. It was phenomenal. I’m still processing most of it, to come out in many future posts, no doubt. But one thing has started to become clear to me, and I think it’s why I’ve been having such a hard time with this whole top ten honest things list. I think I can’t think of things to come clean about because I’m honestly honest all the time (trust me – this is not good. Being a half-decent liar, or just even a little less scrupulous, would be way easier).

A dear friend recently told me that she finds me to be an exceptionally articulate person. I was truly surprised (and very flattered) – because I thought that all I’d been doing was just talking. And the thing with blogging – before this conference, I thought I’d just been writing. I didn’t think that what I was doing, what I was writing about, was anything all that special. I was just getting some stuff off my chest.

But it turns out, that maybe what I’m doing is actually brave. I didn’t know I was brave at all – I didn’t think I was being all that exceptionally, or even intentionally, honest. I was just being myself. I didn’t think I was being articulate – I was just talking.

This, perhaps, is what Lynn from Diary Of A Turtlehead was trying to say when she nominated me for the Honest Scrap Award. Maybe she was saying that me being myself is a pretty cool, pretty brave thing to do. And when it comes to depression – something that one in five people experience from once to many times in their lives – matching words to truth may be more than just brave, may be more than just me talking about my little slice of life, articulately or not. I am coming to realize that I’m not just writing – I’m revealing. I’m not just talking – I’m unsilencing. And I guess that makes me honestly scrappy.

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3 comments so far

  1. Lynn on

    I do think blogging is brave, especially your blog where you are so open and raw. Thanks so much for sharing!

  2. Moosilaneous on

    A super well-deserved award. You rock. (How’s that for articulate?)

  3. happyflowerwordzoo002 on

    Like the term ‘unsilencing’. Top 10 lists are a chore. Hard to ‘come clean’ to an unknown audience? Self-protection a bit needed? Congratulations on award.


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