Turning Point

I was driving today, noticing the gently falling snow, the merging traffic, the hum of the tires when it dawned on me – I was smiling. Just sitting there quietly, going about my day with a smile on my face.

This is big news.
This hasn’t happened in a while.
A long while.

Maybe it’s the Christmas spirit come over me.
Maybe it’s that I’ve actually gotten a few things done at work this week, thereby feeling useful.
Maybe it’s that we’ve had a major breakthrough and there seems to be purpose to the work that I’ve been doing for a year – hope that while we’re fighting a rearguard action, the battle is not guaranteed to be lost.
Maybe it’s that my opinion has been sought, and respected, more than once.
Maybe it’s that I’m reading a silly novel, one that has nothing to do with world politics or economics or literature or anything real-life at all.
Maybe it’s that some medical tests I’ve been dreading are over and done with, and I’m none the worse for wear.
Maybe it’s that I’m gaining confidence in my writing. When my Dad read my first draft of my contribution to my Grandpapa’s funeral, he told me I shouldn’t change a word. He’d adapt his draft eulogy instead. It may just be that my creativity had been channeled into a form that my Dad could actually identify with, for once, but regardless – it was once-in-a-lifetime praise.
Maybe it’s just a very slightly more biddable boy at home, one who is slowly learning that negotiation is in fact more effective than tantrums.
Maybe it’s that Dearest and I finally cleared the air that’s been fouled for months, and we’re coming up with some simple solutions to problems that have gotten unnecessarily out of hand. We’ve bought new couches and are rearranging the living-room to reduce the clutter. We’re going to carve out a reading corner, complete with a fabulous new chaise for me in the spare room – a room with a door that I can close – so I will no longer have to leave the house to get some (very temporary) peace and quiet. We’ve cuddled since the showdown. For more than ten seconds. More than once.
Maybe it’s that the adult version of croup I’ve been hacking my way through is fading.
Maybe it’s Grandpapa humming in my ear, doing his silly dance in the corner of my eye.

It’s still freaking cold outside.
There is still no end to work, and chores, and to-dos.
But my walk had more stride than trudge to it today, my laugh had more chuckle than gasp.
I caught myself smiling.
Quelle surprise.


2 comments so far

  1. Lynn on

    That’s such amazing news! Hope your holiday is truly happy.

  2. moosilaneous on

    Awesomeness. The news, and the writing!
    You go girl!

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