A trying day

This afternoon, during a particularly heavy mood slump, thinking I just was not going to be able to do a single productive thing – I looked up and saw that it was almost quitting time.
I felt a wave of relief.
Off the hook!
Most days, today in particular, are punctuated by unanticipated mids and lows (no highs – not yet).
I have fits of energy and focus, resulting in diagrams and notes and phonecalls and meetings – and then all of a sudden I don’t. The only consistent thing about my energy is its disappearance. It is reliably unreliable.
There isn’t much to be done about this.
During my ups, I tend to try to compensate, churning out as much as possible, knowing there’s a silent timer ticking, lurking, waiting to screech right when I’ve forgotten it’s there.
And then I kick myself, berate myself, deplore myself when it’s come. Time’s up.
But I was on such a roll a minute, an hour ago!
Alas.
No more.
And so, I give in, and give up for the day. This is as far as I go, for now. There is always tomorrow.
It’s time to take my brave face home.

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1 comment so far

  1. Lynn on

    When I had a miscarriage, I was so upset about it I just quit my job. I had no idea how long it would take for me to even *think* about doing something normal – and it turned out it did take a long time. Be generous to yourself.


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